How to Share Household Chores Fairly in Marriage

Household chores are one of those things almost no one enjoys.In most marriages, there is usually a feeling that one spouse does an unfair amount of chores....

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Household chores are one of those things almost no one enjoys.In most marriages, there is usually a feeling that one spouse does an unfair amount of chores. All you need to address this feeling are ways to share household chores fairly in marriage.To share household chores fairly in marriage, you can start by listing all the household chores in marriage. This will allow you and your partner to determine the chores to be subsequently divided. It will also reveal the number of household chores a spouse performs.Remember to take your personal preferences into cognizance.Some people are hesitant about certain chores and might even enjoy certain chores.In this scenario, you will have better luck with how to share household chores fairly in marriage.Our expectations generally get the best of us as humans. Ambiguity as to the details will only lead to an unfair division of household chores. You could share household chores fairly in marriage when you set certain expectations.You can consider these methods to share household chores fairly in marriage:

Draw Up a List of Chores

A significant first step to sharing household chores fairly in marriage is drawing up a list of household chores. Even though it may seem daunting writing the list, it would be worth it. This list of household chores will identify each chore that would be fairly assigned to the spouse.If it seems complex to note down all the household chores, consider taking a week to note down each chore you do. Since most people have similar chores, an internet search for a list of chores will also help list all household chores. Do not be ashamed to add a new chore to the list.Some people call their chore list- the chore audit. Each spouse can also note the frequency and the difficulty with every chore they have. Couples often overestimate the number of chores they do; a list of chores will reveal the actual work done.If you or your partner feel like they do the bulk of the household chores in marriage, it might lead to conflict and resentment in the marriage.A comprehensive list of chores could allow you and your partner to agree on splitting the household chores.

Have Honest Conversations

Chores are generally one of the heated topics between a couple.It is understandable to feel you are persecuted by your partner. However, to resolve this issue and share household chores fairly in marriage, you need to have honest conversations with your partner.Let's acknowledge that it is understandable to be agitated if you feel your partner isn't doing enough or doesn't give you credit for your work.However, to ensure a fair distribution of the household chores, it is necessary to have a calm and honest conversation about it.Communicate to your partner about how the imbalance of chores makes you feel. Make suggestions about what you think would be fairer.Try to avoid shouting or yelling.Be honest and acknowledge the chores you do and what your partner does. Directly ask for your partner to pick up more chores.Sometimes, your partner might assume you don't need help.

Clarify Expectations

There are multiple ways to do laundry or vacuum the house. We all had different standards in our childhood homes with chores.To share household chores fairly in marriage, you'll want to clarify the expectations attached to each chore.'How often should your partner mow the lawn?' is a question that your partner should already know what your answer is. If you don't set certain expectations for each chore, then your partner might feel cheated to do certain chores. Lack of expectations could cause a strain on the marriage.Setting certain expectations can also help you. It could save you from thoughts that your partner did not do a chore well.A clear understanding of a chore will save both parties from misunderstandings.These expectations may allow you and your partners to pick chores that suit you.Be willing to share your expectation on the chores selected. Clarity on your expectations will help prevent tension and conflict.

A man with sticky notes all over him.

Consider External Engagements

Fairness in splitting household chores will mean different things in different marriages. Most marriages have partners engaged in different activities and jobs. To share household chores fairly in marriage, consider your and your partner's other engagements.When you have identified the household chores, the question of what is a fair share of the chores arises. For instance, if one spouse has a more demanding job or has performed other responsibilities. Well, there is no exact answer to this question.Often, the partner will the less demanding career will take on more household chores. There might also be taking periodic turns on chores depending on the schedules. The important thing in this instance is an agreement between spouses on what is fair.A 50/50 distribution of household chores is not the correct determinant of fairness.In marriage, the right balance is always left between spouses. Simply be considerate of your partner's external circumstances.

Recognize Your Preferred Choices

We all have household chores we despise and chores we enjoy.Take cognizance of the choices. A clever method to share household chores fairly in marriage is to recognize your preferred chores.It is easier for you and your partner to do an enjoyable chore.If you enjoy cooking, it might be best to have that chore assigned to you. The important thing is to play to the strengths of the couple.Where your partner clearly despises a chore, you might take that upon yourself. The reverse should happen with your partner.If you can convince yourselves that chores aren't chores, it is much easier to accomplish.Also, be willing to outsource household chores that are too stressful for the couple. Forcing your partner to do a chore will likely lead to resentment.Sometimes, it is worth the extra bucks spent having someone else do a chore.

Conclusion

Fairly sharing the household chores in marriage is likely to keep everyone happy.Household chores can be a source of conflict, especially when a spouse feels unaided in chores.This is why it is important to share household chores fairly in marriage.

You can share household chores by drawing up a list of chores, having an honest conversation with your partner, clarifying expectations, considering external engagements, and recognizing your preferred chores.

Resources

https://www.marriage.com/advice/family/how-to-divide-household-chores-fairly/https://theeverygirl.com/split-chores-with-your-partner/https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/how-to-give-partner-constructive-criticismhttps://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a32333390/housework-division-expert-advice/https://www.godfreys.com.au/blog/how-to-split-the-household-chores-fairly-with-your-spouse/

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

What if I feel like my partner doesn't understand me?

It is important to communicate your feelings openly with your partner and to let them know how you are feeling. It is also important to understand that not everyone thinks or behaves the same way, so it is helpful to be patient and understanding with your partner. If communication does not seem to be improving the situation, then seeking professional help may be beneficial.

How can I improve my emotional health in my relationship?

If you're looking to improve your emotional health in your relationship, there are a few key things that you can do. First, make sure that you're communicating openly and honestly with your partner. Second, make sure that you're respecting each other's needs and boundaries. Third, be willing to compromise when necessary. And fourth, always show kindness and understanding towards each other.

How Do I Communicate My Concerns?

When you're talking to your husband about codependency, it's important to: avoid judgment or criticism, focus on the behavior, not the person, express your concern and explain how the behavior is affecting you, and offer your support and encouragement.

What are some trust-building activities?

There are many trust-building activities that you and your partner can do together. Some examples include sharing your deepest fears, revealing a secret, or taking turns being blindfolded and leading each other around.

Is overthinking normal in relationships?

It's common for people to have occasional worries or doubts in their relationship. However, if you find yourself constantly overthinking or obsessing about your relationship to the point where it's affecting your daily life and causing you significant distress, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor.

What can happen if we don't seek help for our relationship issues?

Ignoring relationship issues can exacerbate problems and make them more challenging to manage over time. This can result in a negative impact on your emotional well-being, increased conflict, and potential dissolution of the relationship.

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