How an Emotionally Unavailable Partner Behaves

In a healthy relationship, it's natural to expect emotional availability, trust, and openness from your partner. If you suspect your partner...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

In a healthy relationship, it's natural to expect emotional availability, trust, and openness from your partner. If you suspect your partner is emotionally unavailable, you might notice certain behaviors. An emotionally unavailable person often avoids discussing their past, leaving you without a clear understanding of their history.

They may sidestep questions and remain emotionally detached, avoiding conversations about their true feelings. Emotionally unavailable partners often prefer physical intimacy over emotional connections, as it lets them evade the complexities of emotions.

If your partner's emotional unavailability is affecting your relationship, consider our intensive couples therapy in Colorado. This can help nurture emotional awareness and improve self-esteem, fostering more fulfilling romantic relationships.

They are Not Forthright With the Past

Emotional unavailability in romantic relationships can manifest when a partner is reluctant to share their past.

If your partner avoids discussing their history, it may indicate a lack of emotional intimacy and connection. This behavior suggests they may be emotionally unavailable, impacting the depth of your relationship.

  • Avoids discussing past experiences or relationships
  • Prefers physical intimacy over emotional connections
  • Frequently changes the topic when conversations become personal
  • Does not engage in discussions about future plans or commitments
  • Shows little interest in fulfilling emotional needs

Learning about these signs can help you understand your partner's emotional state and address the challenges in building a more fulfilling relationship. Engaging in open discussions about emotional needs can foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

They Do Not Open Up

In long-term relationships, sharing personal aspects such as feelings, goals, and insecurities is crucial for building an emotional connection.

When a partner doesn't express their true feelings—whether positive or negative—it may indicate emotional unavailability. This reluctance to share can suggest a lack of commitment to fostering a healthy relationship.

  • Reluctant to discuss future plans or include you in them
  • Preferring physical intimacy over emotional connection
  • Avoids conversations about important topics like money or family
  • Keeps silent about their needs and desires in sexual intimacy
  • Refrains from showing affection through words or actions

Healthy relationships can benefit from open communication. It is essential for overcoming emotional unavailability and nurturing a more fulfilling relationship.

They Choose Physical Intimacy

An emotionally unavailable partner is likely to avoid emotional complexities and only focus on the physical intimacy they will derive from you, resulting in you feeling empty because you know something is missing. If you realize that your partner isn't really your friend but a lover, that may indicate emotional unavailability. A friend will share everything good and bad with you, but a lover will only use you for physical intimacy.

Another warning sign is the presence of a great sex life but a lack of emotional attachment. They won't be there for you in times of emotional distress, and you will have to rely on other people for emotional support, but they will be present when you require physical intimacy. If your partner's idea of quality time is spending most of the weekend in bed with you, that indicates a lack of emotional connection since they don't want to spend time with you in other places.

They are Uncomfortable With Your Emotions

A relationship can succeed even if only one aspect of love is present. For example, let's say you have had a friendship with someone for a long time. It's as if the other person is your mirror. They are aware of every important aspect of your life. You may not remain committed to one another and lack passion, but you are always intimate. This type of love still represents deep love.

Another illustration is a young couple who marries while experiencing a fatuous love that is passionate and committed. However, before they genuinely get to know one another, once they are aware of some of their differences, it is challenging to make it work. But they persevere and eventually manage to have all three aspects of love.

A stonewall

They Do Not Make Efforts

To have a fully functioning relationship, both partners have to pull their weight in making each other happy and satisfied with the relationship. Doing this includes making efforts proportionally. However, with an emotionally unavailable partner, you would be the only one making sacrifices in the relationship. Your partner will make the relationship about them and won't create the space to repay you in kind for your sacrifices.

You will also notice that you now plan every date. No matter the occasion, be it an anniversary, birthday, or Valentine's Day, they will make no plans and expect you to take the bare minimum. There will be no surprise or romance from them to grace the occasion. Similarly, they may communicate less with you. They won't ask about how you feel, what is going on with you, or if you are happy because they don't want to make efforts to do better if you are not fine. They will also not share their plans and thoughts with you.

Conclusion

You deserve love and respect in your marriage, but if you are not getting that, it may be a sign that you have an emotionally unavailable partner. Other signs that you may observe are; that they avoid telling you about their past, don't open up to you, prefer physical intimacy to emotional connection, are uncomfortable with your emotions, and don't make efforts to improve the marriage.

Resources

https://medium.com/@zara.zareen/should-you-tell-your-partner-about-your-past-mistakes-8715f019a16b

https://www.bustle.com/p/if-your-partner-cant-open-up-about-these-11-things-they-might-not-be-the-one-7961933

https://www.brides.com/signs-of-emotionally-unavailable-men-4173626

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/5-ways-to-know-if-your-partner-is-in-the-relationship-only-for-sex-and-not-for-love/photostory/63428701.cms?picid=63428729

https://www.bolde.com/8-signs-youre-one-putting-effort-relationship/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

How do I make my spouse feel special over text?

Here are some ideas:

  • Send a sweet and heartfelt message in the middle of the day
  • Tell them how much you love and appreciate them
  • Send a cute photo with a loving message attached
  • Plan a surprise for later in the day or week
  • What are some thoughtful things to do for your spouse?

Some thoughtful things you can do for your spouse are:

  • Write them a heartfelt letter expressing your love and appreciation for them
  • Make them breakfast in bed
  • Plan a surprise weekend getaway
  • Do something that they've been wanting to do but haven't had the time for
  • What are some romantic things to do for your spouse?

Where can I find more information about Tricare coverage for marriage counseling?

For more detailed information, you can visit the official Tricare website or contact a Tricare representative. You can also seek our resources at the defense health agency.

Can couples counseling help if only one partner is willing to participate?

While it is ideal for both partners to actively engage in couples counseling, therapy can still be helpful if only one partner is willing to attend. In such cases, the participating partner can learn valuable skills and strategies to improve communication, manage conflicts, and create a more positive relationship dynamic, which may eventually encourage the other partner to join the process.

What are some common mistakes to avoid in striving for interdependence?


Common mistakes include neglecting personal growth, failing to communicate openly, not respecting boundaries, and overlooking the importance of individual interests.

How important is individuality in an interdependent relationship?

Individuality is crucial in an interdependent relationship as it allows each partner to maintain their sense of self, pursue personal interests, and contribute uniquely to the relationship.

Why is it important to overcome overthinking?

Overthinking can have a negative impact on your relationship, leading to feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and low self-esteem. By working to overcome overthinking in your relationship, you will be able to reduce stress and cultivate trust and security with your partner. This can help strengthen the bond between you and create a more positive and meaningful connection.