How an Emotionally Unavailable Partner Behaves

In a healthy relationship, it's natural to expect emotional availability, trust, and openness from your partner. If you suspect your partner...

Marriage
May 23, 2025

In a healthy relationship, it's natural to expect emotional availability, trust, and openness from your partner. If you suspect your partner is emotionally unavailable, you might notice certain behaviors. An emotionally unavailable person often avoids discussing their past, leaving you without a clear understanding of their history.

They may sidestep questions and remain emotionally detached, avoiding conversations about their true feelings. Emotionally unavailable partners often prefer physical intimacy over emotional connections, as it lets them evade the complexities of emotions.

If your partner's emotional unavailability is affecting your relationship, consider our intensive couples therapy in Colorado. This can help nurture emotional awareness and improve self-esteem, fostering more fulfilling romantic relationships.

They are Not Forthright With the Past

Emotional unavailability in romantic relationships can manifest when a partner is reluctant to share their past.

If your partner avoids discussing their history, it may indicate a lack of emotional intimacy and connection. This behavior suggests they may be emotionally unavailable, impacting the depth of your relationship.

  • Avoids discussing past experiences or relationships
  • Prefers physical intimacy over emotional connections
  • Frequently changes the topic when conversations become personal
  • Does not engage in discussions about future plans or commitments
  • Shows little interest in fulfilling emotional needs

Learning about these signs can help you understand your partner's emotional state and address the challenges in building a more fulfilling relationship. Engaging in open discussions about emotional needs can foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

They Do Not Open Up

In long-term relationships, sharing personal aspects such as feelings, goals, and insecurities is crucial for building an emotional connection.

When a partner doesn't express their true feelings—whether positive or negative—it may indicate emotional unavailability. This reluctance to share can suggest a lack of commitment to fostering a healthy relationship.

  • Reluctant to discuss future plans or include you in them
  • Preferring physical intimacy over emotional connection
  • Avoids conversations about important topics like money or family
  • Keeps silent about their needs and desires in sexual intimacy
  • Refrains from showing affection through words or actions

Healthy relationships can benefit from open communication. It is essential for overcoming emotional unavailability and nurturing a more fulfilling relationship.

They Choose Physical Intimacy

An emotionally unavailable partner is likely to avoid emotional complexities and only focus on the physical intimacy they will derive from you, resulting in you feeling empty because you know something is missing. If you realize that your partner isn't really your friend but a lover, that may indicate emotional unavailability. A friend will share everything good and bad with you, but a lover will only use you for physical intimacy.

Another warning sign is the presence of a great sex life but a lack of emotional attachment. They won't be there for you in times of emotional distress, and you will have to rely on other people for emotional support, but they will be present when you require physical intimacy. If your partner's idea of quality time is spending most of the weekend in bed with you, that indicates a lack of emotional connection since they don't want to spend time with you in other places.

They are Uncomfortable With Your Emotions

A relationship can succeed even if only one aspect of love is present. For example, let's say you have had a friendship with someone for a long time. It's as if the other person is your mirror. They are aware of every important aspect of your life. You may not remain committed to one another and lack passion, but you are always intimate. This type of love still represents deep love.

Another illustration is a young couple who marries while experiencing a fatuous love that is passionate and committed. However, before they genuinely get to know one another, once they are aware of some of their differences, it is challenging to make it work. But they persevere and eventually manage to have all three aspects of love.

A stonewall

They Do Not Make Efforts

To have a fully functioning relationship, both partners have to pull their weight in making each other happy and satisfied with the relationship. Doing this includes making efforts proportionally. However, with an emotionally unavailable partner, you would be the only one making sacrifices in the relationship. Your partner will make the relationship about them and won't create the space to repay you in kind for your sacrifices.

You will also notice that you now plan every date. No matter the occasion, be it an anniversary, birthday, or Valentine's Day, they will make no plans and expect you to take the bare minimum. There will be no surprise or romance from them to grace the occasion. Similarly, they may communicate less with you. They won't ask about how you feel, what is going on with you, or if you are happy because they don't want to make efforts to do better if you are not fine. They will also not share their plans and thoughts with you.

Conclusion

You deserve love and respect in your marriage, but if you are not getting that, it may be a sign that you have an emotionally unavailable partner. Other signs that you may observe are; that they avoid telling you about their past, don't open up to you, prefer physical intimacy to emotional connection, are uncomfortable with your emotions, and don't make efforts to improve the marriage.

Resources

https://medium.com/@zara.zareen/should-you-tell-your-partner-about-your-past-mistakes-8715f019a16b

https://www.bustle.com/p/if-your-partner-cant-open-up-about-these-11-things-they-might-not-be-the-one-7961933

https://www.brides.com/signs-of-emotionally-unavailable-men-4173626

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/5-ways-to-know-if-your-partner-is-in-the-relationship-only-for-sex-and-not-for-love/photostory/63428701.cms?picid=63428729

https://www.bolde.com/8-signs-youre-one-putting-effort-relationship/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

What if my spouse is not a military member, can we still get marriage counseling through Tricare

Yes, as long as one member of the couple is eligible for Tricare, marriage counseling can be covered.

What can I do if my spouse isn't interested in rekindling the relationship?

While it can be challenging when one partner isn't on board with working on the relationship, it's important to have open and honest communication. Express your feelings and why it's important to you to work on the relationship. It may also be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist to work through any issues or to navigate the situation.

Can interdependent relationships face challenges?

Yes, like any relationship, interdependent ones can face challenges such as power imbalances, external pressures, and conflicts. Addressing these challenges requires open communication, empathy, willingness to compromise, and sometimes seeking external guidance to navigate through difficulties.

What are some signs that my relationship is not emotionally healthy?

There are a few key signs that may indicate that your relationship is not as emotionally healthy as it could be. First, do you or your partner feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict? Do you find yourself withholding information or emotions to keep the peace? Do you ever feel like your partner is trying to control or manipulate you? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then it's possible that your relationship could be improved.

How can we tell if couples therapy is working?

Signs that therapy is working can include improved communication, better conflict resolution, and increased relationship satisfaction. However, progress can sometimes be slow and it's important to be patient.

How does EFT couples therapy address negative emotions and interactions?

EFT helps couples identify and de-escalate negative emotions and interactions, replacing them with positive cycles of communication and support. This process fosters a deeper understanding and emotional responsiveness between partners.