It's important to take note of how mental illness can be associated with childhood trauma and learned maladaptive behaviors, but how much of those symptoms...
It's important to take note of how mental illness can be associated with childhood trauma and learned maladaptive behaviors, but how much of those symptoms are attributed to abusive behavior, if at all? It is important to note the distinction between the two that abuse is a learned behavior that comes in many forms. It can be social, economic, physical, spiritual, sexual, racial, and ability-based.
Mental Illness is symptoms experienced that we are not necessarily in control of and can choose to cope with, whereas behavior we are always in control of.
Having a mental illness can also be an emotional manipulation tactic used by abusers.
They essentially receive a 'label' by a mental health professional and automatically believe it excuses them from accountability and responsibility for their past and or current abusive behaviors. It can also be used to gaslight victims and survivors into thinking "that wasn't the person being abusive, it was their mental illness,' which can then lead them back into an abusive relationship they may have previously departed from.
Common mental illness diagnoses where abusive behavior is common are:
While these are serious mental health conditions, it is important to continue to be mindful that mental illness is not a direct cause of abusive behavior. Someone can be angry, sad, or manic and still behave kindly towards their partner, friend, etc.
A lot of times in social settings, abusive partners are very skilled at behaving in ways that do not exemplify or indicate their behaviors that they engage in at home when it is just them and their partner. This can increase difficulty in the victim/survivor receiving validation for their experiences, and if mental illness is present, a lot of times the blame is assuaged onto the diagnosis.
"Oh since your partner is Bipolar, they are probably just manic right now. I would just be extra careful what you say or do so they don't become irritable with you."
Unfortunately, these statements from family and friends can be all too common and further blur the lines between abusive behavior and mental illness.
If your partner has diagnosed with a mental illness and engages in behavior such as
It is important to be mindful of separating those behaviors from emotions/symptoms like irritability, hopelessness, apathy, excessive worrying.People can experience those emotions and symptoms without engaging in the above behaviors, especially if it is a partner or friend who is exclusively targeting you and no one else.
For anyone suspecting that they might be in an abusive relationship, there is an excellent resource in the form of a book entitled, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.
If you decide to purchase this book, it is important to make sure your partner does not know about it as it could lead to them to read it in order to manipulate/gaslight or endanger physical safety if you are experiencing physical abuse as well.
Tessa is a great resource in Colorado Springs for those currently experiencing domestic violence/abuse or who have past experiences of it.
Common mistakes include neglecting personal growth, failing to communicate openly, not respecting boundaries, and overlooking the importance of individual interests.
There are a few key indicators that can help you to tell if your relationship is emotionally healthy. First, do you and your partner feel safe communicating with each other? Do you feel like you can express your emotions freely, without judgment or criticism? Are there mutual respect's needs and boundaries? Are you both willing to compromise when necessary? If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, then it's likely that you have an emotionally healthy relationship.
There are a few key signs that may indicate that your relationship is not as emotionally healthy as it could be. First, do you or your partner feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict? Do you find yourself withholding information or emotions to keep the peace? Do you ever feel like your partner is trying to control or manipulate you? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then it's possible that your relationship could be improved.
If you're looking to improve your emotional health in your relationship, there are a few key things that you can do. First, make sure that you're communicating openly and honestly with your partner. Second, make sure that you're respecting each other's needs and boundaries. Third, be willing to compromise when necessary. And fourth, always show kindness and understanding towards each other.
If you're in an emotionally unhealthy relationship, the best thing that you can do is seek professional help. A trained therapist can help you to identify the unhealthy patterns in your relationship and work with you to develop healthier ways of interacting with each other.
