It's a cliche, and a largely unhelpful one despite how unwaveringly true it is- death is a part of life. It's easy to view death in that way, unattached...
It's a cliche, and a largely unhelpful one despite how unwaveringly true it is- death is a part of life. It's easy to view death in that way, unattached until it's someone you love dearly who passes away. If you've ever experienced the loss of a close loved one you know how devastating it can be. I'm not going to pretend there's a shortcut or a few simple steps to overcoming grief. Instead, this post will discuss how to handle grief in a realistic way; a way that may at least help things from being worse than they have to be.
In order to handle grief as best as possible it's important to address and dispel myths surrounding grief. The biggest myth, unfortunately, is that there are 5 stages of grief. It would be nice to have such a clear and concise map of grief, to know exactly where you are and how much further you have to go. But, that's not how grief works. It is natural to feel angry, to bargain, to deny at a certain level, and even to come to acceptance, but the majority of people don't actually experience all the stages, and some don't experience any. Another myth about grief is that there's an acceptable time frame for it. Most cultures and societies push people to expedite the grieving process so it can feel like an expectation to "get over it" sooner rather than later. In truth, grief never truly goes away, it only diminishes in intensity over time and through healthy processing. So, how can you process this in a healthy way in order to better handle grief?
This is more simple than it sounds. Taking from the above myth, it's unhelpful to conceptualize grief as a step-by-step process, a better way to conceptualize grief is as a wave. Grief hits hard, then subsides, then hits again, then subsides, over and over, like the rolling of waves. If you conceptualize it in this way then you can learn to ride the wave as opposed to feeling powerless against it. Nothing will stop the waves from coming, but allowing yourself to feel the intensity when it comes and follow it back down will certainly not make things worse than they have to be. This requires courage. It's not easy to sit with uncomfortable feelings- feelings of sadness, remorse, etc. But if you can imagine that all those difficult emotions are a wave that will have a peak and then a decline, then you ride it out. Over time those waves get small and smaller until eventually, the sea feels close to normal again.
Recent neuroscience has discovered very important findings in researching grief. The first thing to know that will help you handle grief is that it is good to lean into how attached you were to the person you lost. Pretending they weren't as important as they were, trying to turn your emotions off, is the wrong direction. Instead, studies show that focusing on how much they meant to you while avoiding counterfactual thinking is extremely healthy and helps the mind and heart heal. Counterfactual thinking is thoughts that ignore reality and usually pop up as what-ifs; "what if I had acted sooner," "if she would have just said something," "I should've ..."
Thoughts such as those are quick to come to mind but ultimately destroy the positive image you have of that person and reduce your own self-image as well; it ignores reality and hurts you in the process. Instead, orient yourself in the here and now, not thinking about how you would like things to be but acknowledging how they actually are, and focusing on the fullness of the connection you had to them. When you think about someone, your brain interprets that as you interact with that person, and then it begins creating expectations of when you will see that person again. Learn to recognize that expectation, ride that wave of emotions, and then alter the expectation by conforming your thoughts to reality.
Grief can be devastating. There is no one-size fits all experience of grief- not in time and not in emotions. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, and give yourself time. There is no fast-forward button, or "next episode" option. Grief is something that must be gone through in its own time and pace. If you are grieving, seek out counseling or grief groups and forums. Connecting to a community is always beneficial and may help you handle grief.
Grief is complex and multifaceted. There are many myths about grief, the biggest being that everyone goes through the same 5 stages. Grief is experienced differently by everyone but there are things that can at least prevent things from being worse than they have to. Conceptualizing grief as a wave that can be ridden through; understanding the neuroscience of grief; leaning into the connection you feel while staying in the here and now; and above all else showing yourself kindness and patience throughout your process. There are grief counselors and groups dedicated to helping you feel a sense of community during your time of loss. You are not alone, and now you have some direction to help you handle grief.
Yes. Grief does not follow a timeline, and unresolved grief can resurface months or even years later. Grief counseling can help you process lingering emotions, make sense of your loss, and develop healthy coping strategies—no matter how much time has passed. Many people seek grief and loss counseling when they realize their grief is still affecting their daily life, relationships, or sense of peace.
Grief counseling and bereavement counseling are closely related and often used interchangeably. Both focus on helping individuals process loss and navigate the grieving process. Bereavement counseling typically refers specifically to grief after the death of a loved one, while grief counseling can also address other losses, such as divorce, miscarriage, loss of identity, or major life changes. A grief therapist will tailor support based on your unique experience and needs.
Grief can feel like a huge, overwhelming wave that just won't go away. The goal of counseling isn’t to make the wave disappear, but to teach you how to surf it. Grief counseling focuses on helping you move through the grieving process in a healthy, supported way—without pressure or judgment.
We work together to help you process your emotions, understand the stages of grief, and find a way to honor your loved one while still living your own life. Through grief therapy and bereavement counseling, many people find renewed stability and meaning, even after profound loss.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. It’s a bit like a fingerprint—it's unique to you. You might feel a mix of sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, and that's all okay. Grief and loss can affect emotions, sleep, focus, and even physical health—and all of these responses are valid.
There's no timeline or checklist for grief, and we want you to know that whatever you're feeling is valid. We provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to process your emotions. Some people also benefit from grief support groups or additional supportive services alongside individual counseling.
After a loss, it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Counseling helps you find your footing again. Grief counselors help you develop coping strategies, express emotions safely, and rebuild a sense of purpose at your own pace. We believe that healing is possible and that you can find a way to live a full and meaningful life, even in the midst of your pain.
