Steps To Take When Your Partner Disrespects You

A respectful relationship is a very important thing. It builds trust, value, safety, and connection between lovers...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

Introduction

Respect matters with couples.

A respectful relationship is a very important thing. It builds trust, value, safety, and connection between lovers. If your partner disrespects you, it is important that they understand their behavior is intolerable and unacceptable.You can start by accessing the situation that led to your partner disrespecting you. During your assessment, ensure to separate yourself from the situation and see your partner's disrespect as bad behavior rather than letting it define you. If you feel hurt, identify your feelings and give yourself time to recover before reacting.

Also, a healthy approach to being disrespected is talking about your pain. Ignoring their disrespectful behavior can give them the impression that it is acceptable.Likewise, your partner might have unintentionally disrespected you, and they might not realize it if you don't talk to them.Similarly, you can make your partner respect you by giving them your utmost respect. This can be difficult to do especially when you are deeply hurt or embarrassed. However, when your words and actions to your partner show admiration and respect, they are encouraged to reciprocate.Consider this article to learn steps you can take when your partner disrespects you:

Assess the Situation

Disrespect in a relationship can take many forms, such as rudeness, disregard for personal space and freedom, indifference to opinions, ridicule, or intentionally crossing boundaries.

When faced with disrespect, identifying the behavior and acknowledging how it made you feel can help you address the issue effectively.

If your partner's actions hurt your feelings, take time to heal before responding. You don’t need to react immediately—stepping away from a situation that makes you feel belittled or sad can provide clarity and emotional relief.

Reflecting on the incident is also important. Consider whether the behavior was sudden or repetitive. This assessment can offer insight into your partner’s intentions.

Sometimes, disrespect stems from unresolved insecurities projected onto others. It’s crucial to remember that your partner's disrespectful behavior isn’t necessarily a reflection of something you did wrong.

Talk About Your Pain

When faced with disrespect from your partner, it’s important to take a moment to calm yourself before responding. Reacting with anger can escalate the situation, making it harder to have a productive and healthy conversation.

Taking time to cool down allows you to organize your thoughts and approach the issue with clarity and intention.

When you’re ready to address the matter, pay attention to your tone and gestures. Speaking with an angry tone may put your partner on the defensive, shifting their focus from your words to your delivery. Instead, express your feelings calmly and avoid placing blame.

If verbal communication feels challenging, consider writing your partner a note. This less confrontational approach can help convey your feelings clearly while giving your partner the opportunity to process your words without immediate pressure.

Remember that people have different communication styles. Some may be straightforward or blunt without intending to hurt you. Discussing your feelings openly can help them understand how their words or actions affect you and encourage more mindful interactions.

Set Your Boundaries

Even in a loving relationship, it’s important to establish and maintain boundaries respectfully. If your partner disrespects you in ways that conflict with your personal beliefs, it’s a sign that boundaries need to be set or reinforced.

Establishing boundaries early in the relationship fosters mutual understanding and respect. While compromise is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, finding a balance is crucial—one that allows flexibility without sacrificing your identity or values.

Setting boundaries goes beyond verbal agreements or listing preferences; it involves consistently reinforcing them through actions and communication. Upholding the integrity of your boundaries shows their significance and encourages your partner to respect them.

At the same time, honoring your partner’s boundaries is equally essential. Demonstrating respect for their limits creates a reciprocal dynamic where both partners feel valued and secure in the relationship.

A woman putting her hand in front of a mans face

Try to Connect with Them

Although it may be challenging to connect with someone who disrespects you, making an effort to understand their perspective can help improve communication and deepen the connection. This approach also opens the door for vulnerability, allowing both partners to share their feelings and experiences.

To strengthen your relationship, it’s essential to be emotionally open and honest with your partner. Share your hopes, dreams, fears, and feelings, and encourage them to do the same. This mutual vulnerability fosters deeper emotional intimacy and respect.

If you’ve been inclined to keep your feelings to yourself before entering the relationship, it may be difficult for your partner to fully understand or connect with you. Instead of withdrawing or becoming emotionally unavailable, take the time to communicate your struggles and what you're going through. This transparency helps bridge any emotional gaps between you and your partner.

Additionally, finding common interests and activities can help you bond and cultivate mutual respect. Engaging in shared experiences strengthens the emotional foundation of your relationship.

Respect Them

To regain respect from your partner, it’s crucial to treat them with the same respect and empathy that you hope to receive. Your partner will likely mirror your behavior, so if they’ve disrespected you, consider adjusting your approach and showing more respect toward them.

When your partner makes an effort to do things for you, acknowledge their actions with appreciation. Compliment them, praise their efforts, and even consider giving a small gift to show your gratitude. Positive reinforcement encourages them to continue treating you well.

To reconnect with respect, write down the qualities you admire about your partner. Reflecting on the things you value about them can help you shift your focus toward the positive aspects of your relationship, making it easier to rebuild respect.

Furthermore, how you handle disagreements can significantly impact your relationship. Always avoid raising your voice or resorting to violence, regardless of the situation. Validate your partner’s feelings, even if you disagree, and communicate your emotions calmly and respectfully. This approach fosters a healthier connection and helps navigate conflicts in a constructive manner.

Examples of Disrespect

Disrespect in a relationship can be emotionally draining and detrimental to one's well being, self esteem, and personal growth.

It is crucial to notice signs of disrespect early on to protect your mental health and maintain healthy relationships. Some examples include:

  • Verbal Abuse - This involves any form of communication that causes harm, such as overly critical comments or destructive insults, which can erode self-esteem.
  • Emotional Abuse - This can take many forms, such as the silent treatment, manipulation, or unrealistic expectations that make you feel uncomfortable or inadequate.
  • Invasion of Personal Space - Respectful and loving relationships acknowledge the importance of personal space. If one partner refuses to respect your own space, it's a sign of disrespect.
  • Broken Promises - When one partner consistently breaks promises, it undermines trust, a fundamental aspect of a successful relationship.
  • Physical Abuse - Any form of physical harm is a significant sign of disrespect and is never acceptable.

In a romantic relationship, it's important to distinguish between constructive criticism, which promotes growth, and disrespectful behavior, which hinders it.

If you find yourself in a disrespectful relationship, seeking help from professionals like a family therapist can provide guidance and support.

Conclusion

You can't build a healthy relationship if you micromanage your partner's disrespectful behavior in a bid to avoid conflict. When your partner disrespects you, there are healthy ways you can approach the situation.Those ways include accessing the situation, talking about your pain, setting boundaries, connecting with your partner, and respecting them.

Resources

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/how-to-develop-a-relationship-based-on-love-and-respect/

https://umatter.princeton.edu/respect/addressing-disrespect

https://www.wikihow.com/Gain-Back-Respect-in-a-Relationship

https://firstthings.org/what-to-do-when-you-feel-disrespected-in-marriage/

https://study.com/academy/lesson/disrespect-in-relationships-marriage-signs-behavior.html

https://themindsjournal.com/telling-someone-hurt-disrespected-you/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

What are some trust-building activities?

There are many trust-building activities that you and your partner can do together. Some examples include sharing your deepest fears, revealing a secret, or taking turns being blindfolded and leading each other around.

Is couples counseling only for couples in crisis or experiencing severe issues?

No, couples counseling can be beneficial for couples at any stage of their relationship and with varying levels of difficulties. Even couples who have a strong foundation can benefit from counseling to enhance communication, deepen emotional connection, or navigate life transitions. Seeking professional guidance early on can prevent minor issues from escalating into more significant problems.

How often should we attend couples counseling sessions?

The frequency of couples counseling sessions may vary depending on the specific issues being addressed and the recommendations of your therapist. Typically, couples attend weekly or biweekly sessions, especially during the initial phase of therapy. As progress is made, session frequency may decrease to provide the couple with opportunities to practice their new skills independently.

How can I access marriage counseling through Tricare?

To get started, locate a certified marriage and family therapist who is covered by Tricare using their "Find a Doctor" tool.

After you've found a suitable therapist, schedule an initial evaluation. If the therapist determines that marriage counseling is necessary for treating a diagnosed mental health condition, they will submit a request for approval to Tricare.

Does Tricare cover online or telehealth marriage counseling sessions?

Yes, Tricare does cover telehealth services, including mental health counseling sessions conducted over a secure video conference.

Are there scientific foundations supporting EFT couples therapy?

Yes, EFT is supported by research in behavioral and brain sciences, showing its effectiveness in improving relationship satisfaction and emotional bonds. Studies highlight its impact on creating lasting positive changes in couples' relationships.