How to Respond When Your Partner is Rude While Drunk

Alcohol can make people do and say things they wouldn't normally do or say. And when your partner is drinking, it's not uncommon...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

Alcohol can make people do and say things they wouldn't normally do or say. And when your partner is drinking, it's not uncommon for them to become rude and hurtful towards you. It can be difficult to know how to respond in these situations, especially if you don't want the night to end on a negative note. But with some understanding and patience, there are ways that you can effectively handle your partner's drunken rudeness without escalating the situation further.

Here are tips on how to respond when your partners is rude while drunk. These tricky conversations can sometimes improve with couples counseling.  

Assessing Your Feelings and Deciding How to Respond

When your partner is being rude while drunk it's important to take a moment and assess your feelings first.

It can be difficult to calmly respond in the heat of the moment, so allow yourself time and space to process what they said before responding. Here are some tips that may help you:

  • Take a deep breath and remember that their words do not accurately reflect how they feel about you or your relationship when sober.
  • Recognize that it is not necessary for you to immediately respond as this could lead to an argument that will only make things worse.
  • Consider why your partner might be acting out like this; have there been any major recent life changes or stressors?
  • Identify if any underlying issues between the two of you could have caused them to act out in such a way.

Letting It Go and Moving On from the Moment?

When your partner is being rude while drunk, it can be difficult to know how best to respond. Moving on and letting it go may seem like the easiest option, but this could lead to unresolved issues which could end up resurfacing in the future.

It's important to consider other approaches such as taking a step back and assessing your feelings before responding or trying to identify any underlying issues that might have caused them to act out.These methods may help you address the issue more effectively without escalating the situation further.

  • When your partner is being rude while drunk, try taking a step back and assessing your feelings before responding or trying to identify any underlying issues that might have caused them to act out.
  • Express Yourself Calmly & Clearly: allow yourself time and space to process what was said before responding, then calmly explain why their comments were inappropriate in clear terms
  • Avoid raising your voice or making personal attacks.
  • Communicate Openly About Problematic Behaviors: rather than getting caught up in negative emotions, communicate openly with each other about problematic behaviors while both sober

a person looking at themselves in a mirror

Establishing Clear Boundaries Regarding Drinking and Subsequent Behavior

Establishing clear boundaries when it comes to drinking and subsequent behavior is essential for setting a healthy, respectful environment between partners. Before any kind of confrontation takes place, have an honest discussion about expectations regarding the drinking habits of both parties.

This can include limiting alcohol consumption in certain situations, being aware of individual needs and limits, setting rules regarding who drinks with whom and how much, establishing expectations for sober behavior even if one party is drinking, as well as agreeing on consequences for violating these boundaries. Establishing clear boundaries early on can go a long way in avoiding more serious confrontations later on.

Choose a Calming Response and Be Assertive in How You Communicate With Them

It can be difficult to remain calm and assertive when dealing with a partner who is being rude while under the influence of alcohol.nHowever, it is important to choose a calming response and communicate with them in a way that is both firm and respectful. This can include avoiding inflammatory language or physical contact, remaining aware of body language during a conversation, expressing needs clearly without blaming your partner or getting defensive, focusing on the behavior instead of making it personal, and setting limits firmly but fairly.

It is also important to be aware of the potential triggers for your partner's drinking and behavior so that you can address any underlying issues that may be present to prevent similar situations from occurring in the future.

Seeking Professional Help for Further Support (if Needed)

If you and your partner are struggling to establish healthy boundaries around drinking and subsequent behavior, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support in working through these issues so that you can find a resolution that works for both of you. If one partner is struggling with addiction, professional help can also provide resources and support in overcoming this obstacle.

Seeking professional help is a sign of strength and commitment to making things work, so don't hesitate to reach out if you feel like you need additional support.

Examples of Angry Drunk Behaviors

Behavior

Description and Example

Verbal Aggression

Using harsh language or insults. Example: A boyfriend may be mean when drunk, calling you names or belittling your opinions.

Physical Intimidation

Using physical presence to intimidate. Example: Standing too close and yelling when discussing drinking alcohol.

Breaking Promises

Failing to keep commitments about alcohol consumption. Example: Promising to quit drinking but continuing to get drunk.

Emotional Manipulation

Using emotions to control you. Example: Saying nasty things to lower your self-esteem when intoxicated.

Unpredictable Behavior

Acting differently when drunk. Example: Being a different person who is verbally abusive after consuming alcohol.

Escalating Arguments

Turning minor disagreements into major fights. Example: Overreacting to a small point during a discussion about drinking.

Public Outbursts

Causing scenes in public places. Example: Getting angry drunk and shouting at friends in a bar.

Isolation Tactics

Driving a wedge between you and others. Example: Making you feel scared to talk to anyone else about their behavior.

Blaming Alcohol

Using alcohol as an excuse for bad actions. Example: Claiming that alcohol lowers their inhibitions as a reason for abusive behavior.

Threatening Behavior

Issuing threats to control you. Example: Threatening to harm themselves or you if you discuss their drinking problem.

Jealousy

Accusing you of infidelity without cause. Example: Getting drunk and accusing you of cheating just because you talked to someone.

Ignoring Boundaries

Disregarding agreed limits on drinking. Example: Continuing to drink despite agreeing to stop drinking.

Gaslighting

Making you doubt your perception. Example: Denying they said hurtful things while drunk, making you question your memory.

Physical Violence

Engaging in physical aggression. Example: Pushing or hitting you during an argument about their drinking habits.

Manipulating Self-Esteem

Demeaning comments aimed at lowering your confidence. Example: Saying you're worthless to erode your self-esteem to maintain control.

Overcomers Counseling

Overcomers Counseling serves Colorado Springs, Pueblo, and Aurora, Colorado, providing essential support for those dealing with relationship issues and addiction.If your girlfriend or boyfriend is mean when drunk, or partner, or spouse, and you find yourself struggling with his drunk self, they can help address verbal abuse and anger management challenges.

Recognizing a sober person as different from their drunken, violent behavior is a huge red flag. Whether you've spent years trying to fix what's wrong in your relationship or are just starting to realize the impact of what happened, their counselors are skilled in helping. They understand that when a boyfriend gets drunk, it can hurt deeply, leaving you feeling helpless.

Talking about these issues can be hard, but it's important to address them before they become a matter of safety. Overcomers Counseling offers a supportive environment where you can discuss what went wrong, whether your guy is an alcoholic or if his behavior is a one-time incident. They can help you and your friend recognize the patterns that have happened and work on strategies to fix and improve your relationships, ensuring you don't lose sleep over unresolved conflicts.

Office Locations

Address

Phone Number

5585 Erindale Dr Suite 204, Colorado Springs, CO 80918

(719) 345-2424

4440 Barnes Rd Suite 100, Colorado Springs, CO 80917

(719) 602-1342

825 E Citadel Dr Suite 250, Colorado Springs, CO 80909

(719) 452-4374

2860 S Circle Dr Suite G45, Colorado Springs, CO 80906

(719) 481-3518

5245 Centennial Blvd Suite 205, Colorado Springs, CO 80919

(719) 203-7021

3091 S Jamaica Ct Suite 140, Aurora, CO 80014

(720) 449-4121

2099 US-50 Suite 160, Pueblo, CO 81008

(719) 696-3439

Conclusion

When your partner is being rude while drunk it can be difficult to remain calm and assertive.However, taking a step back and assessing the situation before responding or trying to identify any underlying issues that might have caused them to act out can help you address the issue more effectively without escalating the situation further.

Establishing clear boundaries regarding drinking and subsequent behavior as well as communicating openly about problematic behaviors are both essential for setting a healthy, respectful environment between partners.If needed seek professional help in order to gain additional support in working through these issues so that you can find a resolution that works for both of you.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

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Avoid overly praising results or using comparisons to other children.

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