How to Overcome Resentment in Marriage

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice. It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice.

It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the lack of intimacy in the marriage.

Resentment doesn't just hurt your relationship; it also hurts you.

Resentment leads to anger and bitterness which are both toxic emotions that can damage your physical and mental health.

If you're struggling with resentment, there are steps you can take to overcome it.

Identify the Source of Your Resentment

To overcome resentment, you first need to identify what is causing it.

Once you know what the issue is, you can start to address it.

Some common sources of resentment are an affair, feeling unappreciated, or feeling like your needs aren't being met in the marriage.

Talk to your spouse about your feelings.

It's important to communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling. If you're feeling resentful, tell them why.

This will help to start a dialogue about the issue and potentially help to resolve it.

This is the first step in learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

a married couple hugging each other

Take Steps to Fix the Problem That Caused the Resentment

Once you've identified the source of your resentment, you can start to take steps to fix it.

For example, if you're resentful because your needs aren't being met in the marriage, talk to your spouse about what you need and work together to find a solution.

Some common needs that are needed are more affection, quality time, and communication.

If you're resentful because of an affair, you'll need to work on rebuilding trust.

This will require time, patience, and effort.

Therapy or working with a professional marriage counselor might be a solution if the resentment is severe.

This is an important step to consider when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

Resolve Any Issues With Yourself Before Addressing Them in Your Relationship

If you're carrying any resentment from your past, it's important to deal with that before trying to fix the issue in your marriage.

A list of things that you might be carrying could be unforgiveness, trust issues, or anger.

If you're holding onto any of these things, it will be difficult to work through the resentment in your marriage.

You might need to seek professional help to deal with these issues.

Resentment can be a result of unresolved anger from your childhood or previous relationships.

If this is the case, therapy might be a good option to help you work through those issues.

Put Things Into Perspective - Remember That Noone is Perfect and That Everyone Makes Mistakes

It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect. This includes you and your spouse.

Some ways to put things into perspective are to think about the good times you've had together, focus on the present, and look toward the future.

If you're feeling resentful, try to put things into perspective.

What may seem like a big deal to you might not be as big of a deal to your spouse.

And vice versa - what may seem like a small thing to you might be a big deal to your spouse.

Try to see things from their perspective.

This is an important step when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

two hands reaching for the other

Communicate With Your Spouse - Let Them Know How You're Feeling and What They Can do to Help

If you're feeling resentful, communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling.

Let them know what they can do to help.

This might be something like giving you more attention or taking on more responsibilities around the house.

Don't expect them to read your mind - tell them explicitly what you need from them.

It's important to remember that your spouse is not a mind reader, and they can't help fix the problem if they don't know what it is.

Instead of bottling up your emotions, try to sit down and have a calm conversation with your partner.

Explain how you're feeling and what they can do to help make the situation better.

With open communication, you can start to address the underlying issues causing resentment and begin to move forward as a team.

Seek Professional Help if Necessary - Resentment Can be a Sign of Deeper Issues in Your Marriage That Need to be Addressed

If you're feeling resentful towards your spouse, it's important to take a step back and assess the situation.

Resentment is often a sign of deeper issues in a relationship, and it can be difficult to work through these issues on your own.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or stuck, seeking professional help may be the best course of action.

A therapist can help you to communicate more effectively with your spouse and identify the root cause of your resentment.

In some cases, resentment is caused by unresolved childhood trauma or feelings of insecurity.

However, with the help of a therapist, you can learn how to address these issues and build a stronger marriage.

Disclaimer


The content in this article is only meant for informational purposes.

It is not meant to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice.

If you need help with your mental health or marriage issues, please seek official medical advice from a licensed professional.

You can find many resources online, including teletherapy.

You can also check your local listings for a professional near you.

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

Can love be rekindled in a marriage?

Yes, love can be rekindled in a marriage. It takes effort and commitment, but it's not impossible. By prioritizing communication, quality time, and showing appreciation and gratitude, it is possible to reignite the spark in your marriage.

How can we tell if couples therapy is working?

Signs that therapy is working can include improved communication, better conflict resolution, and increased relationship satisfaction. However, progress can sometimes be slow and it's important to be patient.

What are some signs that trust is present in a relationship?

Trust is built over time through positive experiences and interactions. However, it can be difficult to say how long it will take to build trust in a particular relationship as it varies from couple to Some signs that trust is present in a relationship include feeling safe to be yourself, being able to rely on your partner, and feeling like you can share anything with them..

How do you handle conflicts in an interdependent relationship?


Handling conflicts effectively involves:

  • Approaching disagreements with an open mind and willingness to understand the other's perspective.
  • Communicating feelings and concerns honestly but respectfully.
  • Seeking compromises that address the needs of both partners.
  • Maintaining respect and care for each other, even during disagreements.

Why is it important to address relationship issues?

Addressing relationship issues is crucial because unresolved problems can significantly impact your emotional well-being, overall satisfaction, and the longevity of your partnership. Left unaddressed, these issues can lead to increased conflict, emotional disconnection, and even the end of the relationship.

What should couples expect during an EFT session?

During an EFT session, couples can expect to explore their emotional experiences, attachment needs, and interaction patterns. The therapist will guide them through exercises and conversations aimed at fostering secure emotional bonds and resolving conflicts.

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