How to Overcome Resentment in Marriage

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice. It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice.

It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the lack of intimacy in the marriage.

Resentment doesn't just hurt your relationship; it also hurts you.

Resentment leads to anger and bitterness which are both toxic emotions that can damage your physical and mental health.

If you're struggling with resentment, there are steps you can take to overcome it.

Identify the Source of Your Resentment

To overcome resentment, you first need to identify what is causing it.

Once you know what the issue is, you can start to address it.

Some common sources of resentment are an affair, feeling unappreciated, or feeling like your needs aren't being met in the marriage.

Talk to your spouse about your feelings.

It's important to communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling. If you're feeling resentful, tell them why.

This will help to start a dialogue about the issue and potentially help to resolve it.

This is the first step in learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

a married couple hugging each other

Take Steps to Fix the Problem That Caused the Resentment

Once you've identified the source of your resentment, you can start to take steps to fix it.

For example, if you're resentful because your needs aren't being met in the marriage, talk to your spouse about what you need and work together to find a solution.

Some common needs that are needed are more affection, quality time, and communication.

If you're resentful because of an affair, you'll need to work on rebuilding trust.

This will require time, patience, and effort.

Therapy or working with a professional marriage counselor might be a solution if the resentment is severe.

This is an important step to consider when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

Resolve Any Issues With Yourself Before Addressing Them in Your Relationship

If you're carrying any resentment from your past, it's important to deal with that before trying to fix the issue in your marriage.

A list of things that you might be carrying could be unforgiveness, trust issues, or anger.

If you're holding onto any of these things, it will be difficult to work through the resentment in your marriage.

You might need to seek professional help to deal with these issues.

Resentment can be a result of unresolved anger from your childhood or previous relationships.

If this is the case, therapy might be a good option to help you work through those issues.

Put Things Into Perspective - Remember That Noone is Perfect and That Everyone Makes Mistakes

It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect. This includes you and your spouse.

Some ways to put things into perspective are to think about the good times you've had together, focus on the present, and look toward the future.

If you're feeling resentful, try to put things into perspective.

What may seem like a big deal to you might not be as big of a deal to your spouse.

And vice versa - what may seem like a small thing to you might be a big deal to your spouse.

Try to see things from their perspective.

This is an important step when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

two hands reaching for the other

Communicate With Your Spouse - Let Them Know How You're Feeling and What They Can do to Help

If you're feeling resentful, communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling.

Let them know what they can do to help.

This might be something like giving you more attention or taking on more responsibilities around the house.

Don't expect them to read your mind - tell them explicitly what you need from them.

It's important to remember that your spouse is not a mind reader, and they can't help fix the problem if they don't know what it is.

Instead of bottling up your emotions, try to sit down and have a calm conversation with your partner.

Explain how you're feeling and what they can do to help make the situation better.

With open communication, you can start to address the underlying issues causing resentment and begin to move forward as a team.

Seek Professional Help if Necessary - Resentment Can be a Sign of Deeper Issues in Your Marriage That Need to be Addressed

If you're feeling resentful towards your spouse, it's important to take a step back and assess the situation.

Resentment is often a sign of deeper issues in a relationship, and it can be difficult to work through these issues on your own.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or stuck, seeking professional help may be the best course of action.

A therapist can help you to communicate more effectively with your spouse and identify the root cause of your resentment.

In some cases, resentment is caused by unresolved childhood trauma or feelings of insecurity.

However, with the help of a therapist, you can learn how to address these issues and build a stronger marriage.

Disclaimer


The content in this article is only meant for informational purposes.

It is not meant to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice.

If you need help with your mental health or marriage issues, please seek official medical advice from a licensed professional.

You can find many resources online, including teletherapy.

You can also check your local listings for a professional near you.

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

Are there any limitations or restrictions on Tricare's coverage for marriage counseling?

Yes, Tricare only covers marriage counseling when diagnosed with mental health conditions. Marriage counseling services sought for general relationship issues not tied to a recognized mental health disorder will not be covered.

What if I feel like my partner doesn't understand me?

It is important to communicate your feelings openly with your partner and to let them know how you are feeling. It is also important to understand that not everyone thinks or behaves the same way, so it is helpful to be patient and understanding with your partner. If communication does not seem to be improving the situation, then seeking professional help may be beneficial.

Is the information shared in couples counseling kept confidential?

Yes, therapists are bound by ethical guidelines and legal requirements to maintain client confidentiality. This means that the information shared during your couples counseling sessions will not be disclosed to anyone without your written consent, except in cases where there is a risk of harm to yourself or others, or when required by law. It is essential to discuss any concerns about confidentiality with your therapist at the beginning of therapy to ensure a safe and trusting therapeutic environment.

What are the eligibility requirements for accessing marriage counseling through Tricare?

Any active duty, retired, or eligible family member of a military service member who has Tricare coverage can access marriage counseling if it's deemed necessary for treating a diagnosed mental health condition.

What can we expect during our first couples counseling session?

During your first couples counseling session, your therapist will likely gather information about your relationship history, current challenges, and individual backgrounds. They may also ask about your goals for therapy and what you hope to achieve. This initial session serves as an opportunity for you and your partner to become comfortable with the therapist and begin building trust in the therapeutic process.

How does EFT couples therapy address negative emotions and interactions?

EFT helps couples identify and de-escalate negative emotions and interactions, replacing them with positive cycles of communication and support. This process fosters a deeper understanding and emotional responsiveness between partners.

Related Posts

Related Posts on Marriage

Book a Session