How to Maintain a Great Marriage With an Autistic Child

Marriage in itself requires a lot of work to be successful and parenting an autistic child can take a real toll on the success of the marriage...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

Marriage in itself requires a lot of work to be successful, and parenting an autistic child can take a real toll on the success of the marriage. Children with autism experience several challenges and often need a different parenting approach and extra support from their parents to navigate life.

Due to the high demands of raising an autistic child, parents are often at risk of complete exhaustion, meltdowns, and other challenges, which can affect their marriage. It is thus essential to learn helpful ways to maintain a great marriage while raising an autistic child.

Regular communication is one important habit you must cultivate to maintain a successful marriage with your spouse while raising your autistic child.

Discuss feelings, parenting approach, work, dreams, and every other important information regarding your personal life. Open communication is essential in maintaining a strong relationship, especially when dealing with the challenges of raising an autistic child. Couples must create time to share love, care, and affection with each other, even in the midst of busy schedules and responsibilities.

As an adult, busy schedules and responsibilities can sometimes make spending quality time with your spouse difficult. A simple way to overcome this hurdle is to spend time doing "normal" daily activities with your spouse, such as cooking dinner together, taking a walk, or watching a favorite show. These small moments of connection can help maintain intimacy and emotional closeness.

Furthermore, it is best to educate yourself about your child's needs. In order to provide support for your autistic child and reduce parenting stress, understand your child's autism symptoms. This helps you plan ahead and counter potential problems before they arise, allowing you to create a more structured and supportive environment for both your child and your relationship.

Read on to learn how to maintain a great marriage while raising an autistic child:

Communicate With Your Spouse

Healthy communication is vital for the success of any marriage, especially when parenting an autistic child. The more you communicate with your spouse about your feelings, parenting struggles, and challenges in your marriage, the stronger your bond will grow as a couple. Thus, an effective way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to communicate openly with your spouse.

Everyone responds and reacts in varying ways to an autism diagnosis. Your spouse might be more solution-oriented, while you might be more willing to walk your child through their setbacks slowly. Sometimes your methods might clash, and during this moment, it’s important to take a step back and communicate with your partner. This communication aims to understand your partner’s methods, so it doesn't feel like one person is doing more or less.

Likewise, it is essential to communicate your feelings with your spouse. Let your spouse know exactly how you feel about issues regarding parenting, work, family, finances, and more, and be sure to listen as they share their feelings as well. Ensure to validate their feelings and show empathy, support, and unconditional love.

In addition, healthy communication plays a major role in resolving marital conflicts. Parenting an autistic child can lead to pent-up stress, anger, and frustration, which may increase the frequency of disagreements in your marriage. During your stressful moments, it is important to communicate your needs and expectations to your spouse. Although avoiding disputes with your spouse is impossible, it is essential to make up and treat each other with love and respect after any argument.

Don't Neglect Couple's Time

Parenting an autistic child can be demanding and time-consuming, but it is essential to create time for regular activities with your spouse to reconnect and maintain a healthy relationship. To maintain a great marriage with an autistic child, make time to be together as a couple. Many people believe couples' time requires grand outings and fancy date nights, which can seem impossible for busy parents. However, in reality, you can enjoy quality time with your spouse by doing simple things like going for a walk, reading a book, watching a movie together, or having coffee.

Cherish even the simplest moments with your spouse. Additionally, staying curious about your partner is crucial. Ask about their day at work, their feelings, dreams, goals, and struggles. Staying curious helps you learn more about your spouse, deepening your connection and strengthening your bond.

Furthermore, the time spent parenting your autistic child can also be considered quality time. When you approach parenting as a team effort rather than a strenuous duty, it becomes easier to find joy in every moment with your partner, fostering happiness in your relationship.

A father playing with his kids in a field

Educate Yourselves About Your Child's Needs

Understanding your child's autism diagnosis, challenges, needs, and developments is crucial for adopting the best parenting strategies. This knowledge can significantly reduce stress and help you maintain a great marriage while parenting an autistic child. For example, many autistic children experience sensory difficulties. If your child is sensitive to loud noises, providing headphones can help them cope better with their environment. Small adjustments to accommodate your child’s sensory sensitivities can go a long way in reducing tantrums and your overall stress as a parent.

Additionally, forming healthy friendships is important for children as they grow, but this can be a challenge for children with autism. If your child tends to withdraw or struggles with social interaction, you can support them by teaching communication and social skills. By understanding both the weaknesses and strengths of your child, you can offer the necessary support to help them develop and grow.

You can also educate yourself about autism by studying your child’s specific diagnosis, talking to other parents of autistic children, attending parenting classes, joining support groups, and participating in events related to autism spectrum disorder. This knowledge will better equip you to support your child and maintain balance in your marriage.

Share Responsibilities With Your Spouse

One way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to share responsibilities with your spouse. Raising an autistic child often involves balancing life changes, parenting, and work, which can be overwhelming. However, by dividing responsibilities and working together as a team, you can create a stronger bond with your spouse and manage your daily tasks effectively. Start by discussing household chores, maintenance duties, and other responsibilities necessary to keep the home running smoothly.

Talk about your work schedules and develop a plan to share these duties in a way that doesn't disrupt each other's personal lives. Additionally, parenting an autistic child involves a variety of responsibilities. It's important to have a clear understanding of who will handle tasks like shopping, homework, medical appointments, school events, and therapy sessions.

The goal is not to assign all parenting duties to one partner but to ensure that both of you are equally involved in raising your child. If one parent is left to handle all responsibilities, it can lead to frustration, anger, and resentment. Working together, however, helps strengthen your parent-child relationship, deepens your bond as a couple, and creates a supportive partnership based on mutual effort.

Seek Help

Raising an autistic child is not without its challenges, and when things become overwhelming, don't hesitate to ask for help. Sometimes, the key to maintaining a strong marriage with an autistic child is seeking support from outside sources. Overwhelming feelings, intense anxiety, and stress can negatively impact both your marriage and your relationship with your child. If you or your spouse are struggling, counseling or therapy can provide valuable support to help you cope more effectively.

It's also important to be open to help from friends and family. An occasional family dinner, emotional support, financial assistance, or even just a shoulder to lean on can go a long way in reducing stress. The crucial point is to learn how to ask for help rather than pushing through in unhealthy ways.

Additionally, many communities offer respite care for parents of autistic children who need a break to recharge. Respite care allows you to step away from caregiving duties temporarily, giving you the chance to practice self-care, rejuvenate your energy, and return to your responsibilities feeling refreshed and better equipped to handle the challenges ahead.

Conclusion

Most couples look forward to parenthood with great delight, happiness, and love. Although parenting is a beautiful experience, it can be difficult for couples with children on the autism spectrum. Providing support for your autistic child and keeping your marriage healthy requires much work and effort. It is, therefore, essential to learning how to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child.

To do this, you must communicate with your spouse regularly, prioritize couples time, educate yourself about your child's needs, share responsibilities, and seek help.

Resources

https://www.autismspeaks.org/tool-kit-excerpt/keeping-your-marriage-strong#:~:text=Plan%20some%20alone%20time%2C%20even,homework%20and%20other%20household%20tasks.

https://autismawarenesscentre.com/keep-marriage-strong-raising-child-autism/

https://blog.theautismsite.greatergood.com/cs-strong-marriage-autistic-parents/

https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/effects-of-autism-on-marriage/

https://blog.stageslearning.com/blog/six-strategies-for-strengthening-your-marriage-for-parents-of-asd-children

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

How long does it take to teach persistence?

Teaching persistence is a long-term process that requires patience and commitment.

It may take months or even years to help your child develop persistence, but the rewards are worth it in the end.

Why is it important to address relationship issues?

Addressing relationship issues is crucial because unresolved problems can significantly impact your emotional well-being, overall satisfaction, and the longevity of your partnership. Left unaddressed, these issues can lead to increased conflict, emotional disconnection, and even the end of the relationship.

What are some common mistakes to avoid in striving for interdependence?


Common mistakes include neglecting personal growth, failing to communicate openly, not respecting boundaries, and overlooking the importance of individual interests.

How can I improve my emotional health in my relationship?

If you're looking to improve your emotional health in your relationship, there are a few key things that you can do. First, make sure that you're communicating openly and honestly with your partner. Second, make sure that you're respecting each other's needs and boundaries. Third, be willing to compromise when necessary. And fourth, always show kindness and understanding towards each other.

Is it normal to fall out of love with your spouse?

It's normal for feelings to change over time. Relationships go through ups and downs, and it's common for feelings of love and passion to fluctuate.

What can we expect during our first couples counseling session?

During your first couples counseling session, your therapist will likely gather information about your relationship history, current challenges, and individual backgrounds. They may also ask about your goals for therapy and what you hope to achieve. This initial session serves as an opportunity for you and your partner to become comfortable with the therapist and begin building trust in the therapeutic process.