How to Handle Emotional Neglect in Your Marriage

If you notice any emotional neglect in your marriage caused by your partner's disregard for your emotions, you should ensure that you don't play...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

If you notice any emotional neglect in your marriage caused by your partner's disregard for your emotions, you should ensure that you don't play the victim when talking to them about it.

Marriage can be a rollercoaster, with emotional neglect in marriage being a significant challenge. This neglect can erode emotional intimacy and leave one feeling emotionally neglected. To revive the emotional connection and maintain a healthy relationship, it's crucial to identify emotional neglect early. Instead of labeling your partner as an emotionally neglectful partner, aim to facilitate constructive conversations to strengthen your emotional bond.

Learning how emotional neglect occurs and its roots in previous relationships can help address it and improve your emotional well-being. Discover more about overcoming an emotionally neglectful relationship with couples intensive therapy at Overcomers Counseling.

Quick Summary Guide

Section

Summary

Don't Play the Victim

Avoid negative self talk and blaming your partner for emotional neglect in marriage. Playing the victim can lead to emotional disconnection and emotional withdrawal. Aim for a fulfilling relationship by discussing issues constructively.

Try to Analyze the Cause

Understanding the root of marriage emotional neglect is crucial. Emotional abandonment may stem from recent triggers or longstanding issues. Involving your partner in this analysis can help rebuild a healthy marriage and emotional connectedness.

Plan Activities to Erase the Neglect

Inning joint activities can combat signs of emotional neglect. Activities should promote physical intimacy and improve self esteem, helping both partners feel emotionally connected.

Seek Counseling

Counseling can address emotional abuse and emotional abandonment. It offers a safe space to improve one's emotional understanding and mend emotional withdrawal, fostering a fulfilling relationship.

Be Patient

Patience is key in addressing emotional neglect in marriage. It allows one partner to grow and meet other's emotional needs, reducing emotional disconnection and enhancing a healthy marriage.

Don't Play the Victim

When your partner has been emotionally distant from you, and you want to handle emotional neglect in your marriage by talking to them, it may be easy to blame them for their failure to give you emotional support. However, falling into this blame-heaping state is unhealthy for your marriage because it will make your partner defensive rather than accept what you are saying. Generally, people want to be the good characters in the world, so you telling them how they did terrible things to you will simply make them want to reject the view you have of them.

Similarly, playing the victim card can lead to damaged trust in your relationship, especially where there is the continued use of the tactic. If your partner notices that you play the victim regularly to get them to do things for you, they may begin to trust your words less. Therefore, instead of playing the victim, try to talk to them constructively about the emotional neglect, mention how hurt you are, and suggest ideas to solve it. This approach will foster better communication and understanding between you and your partner.

Try to Analyze the Cause

Analyzing the reason for the emotional neglect from your partner can help you deal with it well because it will give you a chance to pinpoint the root of the matter and plan a proper method to resolve the issue together. If a recent trigger caused it, you can easily handle emotional neglect in your marriage because it would mean it's not their normal behavior. You simply need to investigate the trigger, which may be work or a new hobby, so you can help your partner create ways to balance the thing with your emotional needs.

In contrast, if there has always been a tinge of emotional neglect or distancing in their behavior that you overlooked, it may be more challenging to handle it. Handling it will require an overhaul of their thought processes, but you can succeed by giving them a detailed talk of how great it would be to meet your emotional needs. When you are analyzing and investigating the cause, ensure that you involve your partner in the process. Involving them will enable you to get faster results since they can tell you more about their emotional thought processes than you know.

Plan Activities to Erase the Neglect

Making a schedule of activities to do together can help you handle emotional neglect in your marriage because it creates evidence of how you want your partner to satisfy your emotional needs.You can do the planning of the activities alone, but it's best to involve your partner so they can see how much work you are putting into the planning. When they see your efforts, they will know how serious you are and avoid messing it up.

The activities you can include in your plan are swimming in the local pool, working out together, going to an art exhibition together, seeing a blockbuster movie, going to book meets, or learning a new musical instrument. Whatever activity you plan for, ensure it involves you spending time together and filling the unfilled emotional slots in your heart.

Two people sitting at a table outside together

Seek Counseling

With counseling, you get an experienced professional who will help you handle emotional neglect in your marriage by using expert techniques to analyze the problem and proffering tested solutions. The counselor will help you organize the facts concerning emotional neglect in your marriage and investigate its causes.

As an unbiased professional, if the counselor realizes that you also had some faults, they will let you know and help you learn how to be better. However, if your partner has all the faults, the counselor will provide you with tips for confronting them and telling them how hurt you are and how much you would love them to become better. You can choose between individual counseling sessions or a couple's session. Usually, having a couple's session is more productive because the counselor will serve as a mediator while the partners solve the issue.

Be Patient

Patience is a vital virtue in marriage as it enables you to understand that your partner is on a path of growth and to learn how to satisfy your emotional needs. You can handle emotional neglect in your marriage by exercising patience. After you have told your partner how they can satisfy your emotional needs, it's not time to expect an immediate flow of emotional satisfaction.‍

You should understand that they are trying to move from their inadequacies to be adequate, and this may take a while because they have been used to the past routine. Therefore, you should reduce your expectations of how soon they will change. Similarly, you can practice patience in your daily interactions with other people, so it can be easy for you to be patient with your partner. You should also understand that if you force them to meet your emotional needs swiftly, it may end in unfulfillment when you realize they weren't mentally ready for it.

Conclusion

With the human ability to sometimes over-focus on some things while ignoring other things, a partner may forget to cater to their spouse's emotional needs. If this happens, you can handle emotional neglect in your marriage by not playing the victim when talking to your partner, analyzing the cause of the emotional neglect, planning to erase it, seeking counseling, and being patient with your partner.

Resources

https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/how-to-deal-with-vicitim-mentality/#Dangers_of_victim_mentality

https://psychcentral.com/blog/change-in-relationships-what-to-do-when-your-partner-changes

https://www.lovingatyourbest.com/blog/emotional-neglect-in-marriage

https://www.brides.com/emotional-neglect-in-marriage-5195578

https://ourpeacefulfamily.com/patience-in-marriage/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

How Do I Communicate My Concerns?

When you're talking to your husband about codependency, it's important to: avoid judgment or criticism, focus on the behavior, not the person, express your concern and explain how the behavior is affecting you, and offer your support and encouragement.

Are there any limitations or restrictions on Tricare's coverage for marriage counseling?

Yes, Tricare only covers marriage counseling when diagnosed with mental health conditions. Marriage counseling services sought for general relationship issues not tied to a recognized mental health disorder will not be covered.

How does EFT couples therapy address negative emotions and interactions?

EFT helps couples identify and de-escalate negative emotions and interactions, replacing them with positive cycles of communication and support. This process fosters a deeper understanding and emotional responsiveness between partners.

What if my spouse is not a military member, can we still get marriage counseling through Tricare

Yes, as long as one member of the couple is eligible for Tricare, marriage counseling can be covered.

How long does marriage counseling take?

Again, this will depend on the specific goals and needs of the couple. Some couples may only need a few sessions, while others may need more.

Is couples counseling only for couples in crisis or experiencing severe issues?

No, couples counseling can be beneficial for couples at any stage of their relationship and with varying levels of difficulties. Even couples who have a strong foundation can benefit from counseling to enhance communication, deepen emotional connection, or navigate life transitions. Seeking professional guidance early on can prevent minor issues from escalating into more significant problems.