How to Write a Sympathy Card to a Grieving Person

When someone close to us dies, we often struggle to find the right words to express our sorrow and support for the grieving family. However, a letter of...

Grief
June 26, 2025

When someone close to us dies, we often struggle to find the right words to express our sorrow and support for the grieving family.

However, a letter of condolence or a sympathy card can go a long way toward offering your support for grief.

Just a few well-chosen words may convey to the bereaved how much you care about them and how much their loved one meant to the world.

It's important to take a few things into account before you begin to write a sympathy card to a grieving person.

One factor that can make a sympathy card feel heartfelt to the reader can depend on how personal it is.

When you take the time to write a letter expressing your sympathies, it shows you really care because you took the time to write it down in words.

In sympathy cards, offering your support or offering to help the bereaved is a step further, showing how far you are willing to go to help them.

Doing that will help them feel comforted, knowing that they are not alone and that they have those willing to help around them.

Also, by honoring the dead in your sympathy card, you are helping the bereaved feel much better about the good times the deceased enjoyed.

It will help them appreciate the life lived and not focus only on the loss they are experiencing.

Here are more details on suggestions to help you write a sympathy card to a grieving person.

Make it Personal 

In times of loss, a personal, handwritten note may mean a great deal to the recipient.

Writing the letter by hand is far more heartfelt than typing it or purchasing a condolence card, but you may still want to do the latter.

It's not necessary to put a lot of time into composing a letter so long as it comes from the heart.

We all fear saying the wrong thing and adding to the bereaved's pain, yet expressing your concern via even a few words is preferable to saying nothing at all.

The letter might be sent to a single grieving individual or to the whole family.

Offer Your Support 

Include in the sympathy card your readiness to provide a hand if it is required.

Don't tell them to let you know if they need help; rather, offer practical help.

Those in grief will most likely have a lot on their plates and would appreciate any help you can provide, even if they refuse it.

Offer to assist around the home by doing things like cooking, food shopping, or babysitting the kids.

This will provide them some breathing space while they grieve the death of a loved one.

Just be cautious not to make any promises that you cannot keep.

People who have lost a loved one may just want an ear to talk to or a shoulder to weep on.

Honor the Memory of the Deceased 

As a first step, remember the deceased without focusing on the circumstances of their passing.

Acknowledge the loss and offer your genuine sympathies instead.

Simply stated, mention the departed person's name in your letter.

The very act of uttering or hearing the name of the departed may provide solace and help keep them close to the mourning person.

In any case, you should talk about the times you spent with the departed.

It's understandable to want to save the mourning individual from a long note, but you can use the opportunity to mention something meaningful about the departed.

Those who are grieving have a unique interest in hearing the memories of their loved ones.

They want to see the departed as others do.

Hearing about the deceased's achievements and the joy they brought to others may be a source of solace for the living.

Your sympathy card will be much enriched by the inclusion of such specific and sincere anecdotes.

Words of encouragement.

Avoid Giving Advice 

Advice on what a mourning person "should or shouldn't do" is best avoided when you write a sympathy card to a grieving person.

At times of extreme emotional turmoil, unsolicited counsel might have the unintended consequence of making the individual grieving feel even worse.

A better strategy would be to express sympathy and affirm their feelings while encouraging them to take whatever steps they believe are necessary to recover.

It's enough to just show your sympathy and allow the bereaved space to speak rather than attempting to provide advice or tell them how they're going to feel.

They will eventually come to you if they want your guidance or to learn from your experiences. 

Mind What You Say

Even while everyone experiences loss, the way we express it and cope with it is different.

It is important that we remember not to "rush" individuals through their mourning when we write a sympathy card to a grieving person.

Avoid using words or phrases that make light of the tragedy.

The pain of losing someone is difficult to bear.

Avoid platitudes like "they're in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" while trying to comfort someone who has experienced a loss.

Holidays, anniversaries, and other significant dates remind us that grieving is an ongoing process.

We learn to live with our loss forever rather than overcome it.

When it comes to mourning, there are no deadlines.

Be patient, provide words of encouragement, and most of all, be there with those who are mourning.

Conclusion

Regardless of your final decision, please remember that a heartfelt expression of sympathy need not be lengthy.

A brief sympathy card is just as warm as a longer one.

Just because there's a blank space on the card doesn't mean you have to utilize it all.

What matters most is that you are showing your support for grief to the grieving person in your life and sharing your thoughts.

Some tips on how to write a sympathy card to a grieving person include: making it a personal sympathy card, offering your support, honoring the memory of the deceased, avoiding giving advice, and minding what you say.

Resources 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/condolence-message

https://www.neptunesociety.com/cremation-information-articles/a-step-by-step-guide-on-writing-a-sympathy-card

https://americanhospice.org/grieving-children/writing-a-condolence-note-to-a-grieving-child-or-adolescent/

https://www.funeralpartners.co.uk/help-advice/arranging-a-funeral/what-to-write-in-a-sympathy-card/

https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/advice/writing-a-letter-of-condolence-and-sympathy/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/writing-a-condolence-letter-1132543

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Questions about Grief

Do I have to talk about my loss during grief counseling sessions?

It is not mandatory that all conversations revolve around the issue causing your grief but our therapists will provide guidance on how best to process the situation. You are in control of how much or little you want to share in a session, but it is important to stay open and honest with your therapist for optimal results.

What are some healthy ways to cope with the pain of a breakup?

There are many healthy ways to cope with the pain of a breakup. Some strategies include engaging in self-care activities, writing in a journal, reaching out to loved ones for support, and reframing your perspective. Additionally, seeking professional help can be an important step toward healing after a breakup.

Why is it important to address grief?

Addressing grief is crucial because unresolved grief can significantly impact your quality of life, overall well-being, and ability to function in daily activities. Left unaddressed, grief can lead to more severe mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and complicated grief.

The holidays were always my loved one's favorite time of year. What can I do to honor their memory?

There are many ways you can honor your loved one's memory during the holidays. You could decorate in their favorite colors, play their favorite music, make their favorite food, or even just talk about them often throughout the holiday season. You could also create a new tradition in their memory, such as planting a tree or making a donation in their name.

How do I deal with grief?

Dealing with grief involves allowing yourself to experience grief, seeking support from family members or a mental health professional, and taking care of your physical health. It's also important to remember that everyone grieves differently and there's no "right" way to grieve.

What are some things I should avoid saying to an elderly loved one who is grieving?

There are a few things you should avoid saying to someone who is grieving, as they can come across as insensitive or unhelpful. For example, don't tell them that it's "time to move on" or that they "should be over it by now." It's also best not to make any assumptions about how they're feeling or what they need – instead, ask them directly how you can help.