How to Control Crying When Mad

When we experience anger, our bodies often react in a variety of ways - our heart rate increases, our muscles...

Coping Skills
March 21, 2025

When we experience anger, our bodies often react in a variety of ways - our heart rate increases, our muscles tense up, and sometimes, we may even burst into tears. This emotional response is a complex interplay between our mind and body, signaling that something has upset our sense of balance or fairness. Understanding and controlling these emotions is crucial, not just for our personal health, but also for maintaining healthy relationships and effective communication with others. The ability to manage such intense feelings can prevent situations from escalating, promote rational decision-making, and ultimately lead to better outcomes in both personal and professional scenarios.

Understanding Why We Cry When We're Angry

Crying when angry is a complex emotional response that intertwines physiological and psychological elements. At the heart of this phenomenon lies the human body's fight-or-flight response, an evolutionary mechanism designed to protect us from threats. When we get angry, our bodies often interpret this as a sign of danger, triggering hormonal changes that can lead to tears. This response can be particularly pronounced if we feel powerless or unable to express our anger effectively. From a psychological perspective, crying during anger can serve as a form of communication. Tears can signal to others that we are in distress, prompting them to respond with empathy or assistance. Moreover, crying can also act as a safety valve, allowing us to release pent-up emotions and stress. In essence, it's a way for our minds to cope with intense feelings and regain emotional equilibrium.

The Impact of Crying When Angry

In the realm of personal relationships, crying when angry can have varying effects. On one hand, it may prompt understanding and compassion from loved ones, fostering deeper emotional connections. It can act as a non-verbal cue that communicates vulnerability, a need for support, or a desire for conflict resolution. However, on the other hand, if it occurs frequently, it may also lead to misunderstandings or frustrations, potentially straining relationships. Loved ones might feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to respond, especially if the tears seem out of proportion to the situation at hand. In professional interactions, the impact of crying when angry can be quite different. While workplaces are slowly becoming more accepting of emotional expression, crying, especially when associated with anger, is often still seen as a sign of weakness or lack of control. It can potentially affect one's professional image and may even influence others' perceptions of competence and credibility. That being said, it's important to note that everyone has different emotional responses, and understanding this diversity can contribute to a more empathetic and inclusive workplace environment.

Techniques to Control Crying When Angry

A. Deep Breathing Exercises

One of the most effective ways to control crying when angry is through deep breathing exercises. This technique involves taking slow, deep breaths, which can help calm your nervous system and reduce emotional intensity. When you're feeling angry, try this: Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of seven, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat this cycle several times until you start feeling calmer. Research has shown that deep breathing can significantly reduce feelings of stress and anxiety, which often accompany anger.

B. Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is another powerful tool that can help manage emotions. It's the practice of staying present and fully engaged with what we're doing at the moment, free from judgment or distraction. By focusing on the here and now, mindfulness can help us stay grounded during emotionally charged moments. A simple mindfulness meditation practice to start with is observing your breath. Just sit quietly and focus on your breath as it goes in and out. If your mind begins to wander, gently bring it back to your breath. Studies have found that regular mindfulness practice can improve emotional regulation and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

C. Cognitive Behavioral Techniques

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that can be very effective in managing crying when angry. CBT involves identifying negative thought patterns that contribute to emotional distress and working to change them. For instance, if you tend to cry when you're angry because you believe you're powerless, CBT can help you challenge this belief and develop a more balanced perspective. While CBT is typically conducted with a therapist, there are also many self-help resources available that teach CBT techniques.

Seeking Professional Help

While everyone has moments of heightened emotion, if you find that your reactions are consistently intense, difficult to control, or negatively impacting your daily life and relationships, it might be time to consider professional help. This could include situations where you avoid certain situations for fear of becoming angry and crying, or if you're feeling constantly on edge, anxious, or depressed. There's no shame in seeking help. It's a proactive step towards better understanding and managing your emotions. There are several types of therapies and treatments available to help manage crying when angry. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), as mentioned earlier, can be particularly effective. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another option that combines CBT techniques with mindfulness strategies. In some cases, medication may be recommended as part of a comprehensive treatment plan. It's important to work with a healthcare provider to determine the best approach for your specific needs. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, identify triggers, and develop effective coping strategies.

Conclusion

Managing emotional responses, specifically controlling crying when angry, is a crucial aspect of emotional health and interpersonal relationships. The strategies discussed - deep breathing exercises, mindfulness and meditation, and cognitive behavioral techniques - are all practical tools that can help in effectively dealing with these intense emotions. It's perfectly normal to seek assistance in this journey. Don't hesitate to try out these suggested techniques and observe how they work for you. If your emotions continue to feel overwhelming, seeking professional help is a strong and beneficial step forward. Your mental health matters and there are resources and professionals ready to provide the support you need.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Coping Skills

How often should I meet with my coach?

This will depend on your individual needs but it's generally recommended that clients meet with their coach at least once per week for maximum effectiveness.

Is there a difference between therapy and life coaching?

Unlike therapy, which focuses on treating mental health issues, life coaching focuses on helping clients reach specific goals through self-development and growth.

What can I expect from the sessions?

During mental health life coaching sessions, a trained professional will work with you to identify your goals, challenge negative thought patterns, and address self-sabotaging behaviors. You can expect to receive support and guidance in improving your mental health and creating a fulfilling life.

How do I find a mental health life coach?

You can find a mental health life coach through professional coaching organizations or directories, or by obtaining referrals from trusted sources. It is important to do research and find a coach who aligns with your goals and values.

What is solution-focused coping?

Solution-focused coping, also known as problem-focused coping, involves taking direct action to address the cause of the stressful situation. This can include identifying the problem, brainstorming possible solutions, and implementing a plan of action.

How long can the coaching last?

The length of mental health life coaching varies depending on the individual's goals and specific needs.

Some individuals may only require a few sessions, while others may require longer-term support.