How To Comfort Someone In Grief

Grief
March 26, 2025

The death of a loved one is one of the hardest experiences a person can go through.

There are many emotions that happen during this time and learning how to best navigate grief and loss can be a challenge.

And when someone you care about is grieving, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to help.

Here are a few things you can keep in mind that may help you comfort someone in grief.  

1. Acknowledge Their Loss

One of the worst things you can do when someone is grieving is pretending like nothing has happened or try to downplay their loss.

This will only make them feel more isolated and alone. Instead, try to acknowledge what they are going through.

For example, you might say something like, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Other things you can say are, "I can't imagine how you must be feeling" or "Your loved one will be truly missed."  

2. Listen More Than You Talk

It can be tempting to try to distract a grieving person with platitudes or stories about other people who have faced similar losses.

But oftentimes, grieving people just want someone to listen to them and be present with them in their pain.

So instead of talking, try simply sitting with them in silence or asking them open-ended questions about their loved one and their experiences with grief.

Some open-ended questions you can ask are, "Can you tell me about your favorite memories with your loved one?" or "What has been the hardest part of this for you?"

3. Avoid Giving Advice

When someone is grieving, they usually don't want advice�they just want your support.

So instead of telling them what you think they should do, try offering some practical help instead.

For example, you could offer to babysit their kids or cook meals for them so they don't have to worry about those things during such a difficult time. 

4. Respect Their Grief Journey

Everyone grieves in different ways and at different speeds.

Some people may want to talk about their loved ones all the time, while others may not want to mention them at all.

Some may cry often, while others may internalize their grief and not show any emotion on the outside.

It's important to respect each person's journey and not compare it to your own or anyone else's. 

a man sitting on the floor grieving.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I say to someone who is grieving?

It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving.

You may feel like you need to say something to make them feel better, but it is often more helpful to simply listen and be there for them.

It is also important to avoid saying anything that might make them feel worse, such as telling them that they should be grateful for what they have or that they need to move on.

What should I not say to someone who is grieving?

There are a few things that you should avoid saying to someone who is grieving.

One is telling them that they need to be grateful for what they have or that they need to move on.

Another is telling them that their loved one is in a better place or that everything happens for a reason.

These statements can often make the grieving person feel worse, as they may feel like you are invalidating their feelings or trying to downplay their loss.

How can I comfort someone?

There are a few things you can do to comfort someone who is grieving.

One is to simply be there for them and listen to what they have to say.

You can also offer your support in practical ways, such as helping with funeral arrangements or taking care of day-to-day tasks for them.

Additionally, you can send them a sympathy card or gift, or make a donation in their loved one's memory.

What if I don't know the person who is grieving?

If you don't know the person who is grieving, it is still possible to offer your condolences and support.

You can do this by sending a sympathy card or gift, making a donation in your loved one's memory, or attending the funeral or memorial service (if you are able).

You can also reach out to mutual friends or acquaintances and ask if there is anything you can do to help.

I am grieving myself, how can I get help?

If you are struggling with your own grief, it is important to seek out help from professionals or support groups.

Grief counselors can help you work through your emotions and come to terms with your loss.

Support groups can provide you with a space to share your experiences with others who are going through similar situations

Overcomers Counseling Can Help

If you are struggling to deal with your grief, our counselors can help. We will provide you with the support and guidance you need to work through your emotions and start to heal. Contact us today to get started.

Conclusion

If someone you care about is grieving, it's normal to feel helpless and unsure of what to do or say.

But by keeping a few things in mind�such as acknowledging their loss, listening more than you talk, avoiding giving advice, and respecting their grief journey�you can be an invaluable source of support for them during this difficult time in their life.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Grief

What are some things I should avoid saying to an elderly loved one who is grieving?

There are a few things you should avoid saying to someone who is grieving, as they can come across as insensitive or unhelpful. For example, don't tell them that it's "time to move on" or that they "should be over it by now." It's also best not to make any assumptions about how they're feeling or what they need – instead, ask them directly how you can help.

What can happen if I don't seek help for my grief?

Ignoring grief can exacerbate symptoms and make it more challenging to manage over time. This can result in a negative impact on your personal, professional, and social life, leading to feelings of isolation, chronic sadness, and even physical health complications.

Why does grief seem worse in the morning?

Grief can seem worse in the morning as the reality of the loss is often one of the first thoughts upon waking. This can be particularly true if you shared many mornings with the person who has passed away during wonderful years spent together.

How long does grief usually last in the elderly?

There is no "right" or "wrong" answer when it comes to how long grief will last in the elderly. For some people, the grieving process may last for several months or even years. For others, it may come in waves – they may have periods of intense grief followed by periods of relative calm. It's important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.

Why is grief worse at night?

Grief may feel worse at night because sleep disturbances are common during the grieving process. As nighttime falls, distractions diminish and we're left alone with our thoughts, which can make the loss feel overwhelming.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no set timeline for overcoming a breakup. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and on their own time. While some may be able to move forward quickly, others may take longer. Remember that it's normal to experience a range of emotions as you heal and don't rush the process.