How Narcissists Manipulate You?

A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others...

A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They may come across as cocky or conceited, boastful or pretentious. Narcissists often use manipulation tactics to maintain control in relationships, exploiting their narcissistic traits to create an abusive relationship dynamic. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder frequently employ tactics that can exacerbate mental disorders and lead to low self-esteem in their victims. Narcissists are often charming at first- but the charm wears off very quickly. Using the skills of spending time shifting blame and avoiding taking responsibility, these self-absorbed individuals may even drive others to self harm through their relentless and harmful actions. Narcissists can be difficult to deal with and they often try to manipulate the people around them.

Emotional Manipulation

One of the ways that narcissists manipulate is by playing on your emotions. They may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed, to control you.

Some examples of how this can look are:

  • They might say something like, "You're so selfish! How could you do this to me?" to make you feel guilty.
  • They might play the victim and say things like, "I can't believe you would do this to me, after everything I've done for you."
  • They can try to make you feel sorry for them, by saying things like, "I can't believe how hard I've had it, no one ever understands me."
  • They might try and say something designed to make you question your sanity or memory, such as "I never said that," or "You're just imagining things."

These are just a few examples of how a narcissist might try to manipulate you emotionally. If you're dealing with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself.

a sticker on a wall that says a culture of narcissism

Physical Manipulation

In addition to emotional manipulation, narcissists may also try physical manipulation. This can involve using their physical presence to intimidate or control you. For example, they might stand too close to you, invade your personal space, or even threaten you physically. They might also try to control your behavior by using physical force or violence. This is one way how a narcissist manipulates.

a young man with an intimidating look on his face

Psychological Manipulation

Narcissists may also try to manipulate you psychologically. This can involve trying to control how you think or feel about yourself or the situation. For example, they might try to gaslight you- which means they try to make you question your own reality or memory. They might say things like, "You're just imagining things," or "I never said that." They might also try to convince you that you're not good enough, or that you're to blame for whatever problems they're experiencing. This is another way how a narcissist manipulates.

Other Common Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics

Understanding how narcissists manipulate you can help you recognize and protect yourself from narcissistic abuse in various relationships.

Tactic

Example

Blame Shifting

The narcissist creates scenarios where they blame you for their own actions, leaving you questioning your self worth.

Love Bombing

In the beginning of romantic relationships, they may overwhelm you with affection to gain control and make you overly sensitive to their needs.

Silent Treatment

They may ignore you completely to maintain control and make you feel insignificant, leading to constant fear of rejection.

Smear Campaign

Narcissists often spread rumors about you to ruin your reputation and isolate you from your support network.

Emotional Blackmail

They use your emotions against you, threatening to harm themselves or others to manipulate your actions.

Projection

A tactic where they accuse you of having the same negative traits they possess, making you question your mental state and self esteem.

Triangulation

They involve a third person in conflicts to create jealousy and rivalry, further maintaining control over the relationship.

Minimizing Your Feelings

Narcissists often downplay your feelings and experiences to make you feel overly sensitive and unimportant.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation that can be very damaging. It involves making someone question their own reality or memory, to the point where they doubt themselves. Gaslighting can be extremely harmful and it's important to be aware of it if you're dealing with a narcissist. The name gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband tries to make his wife think she's going crazy by dimming the gas lights and then denying that he did it. Be mindful of those who try to gaslight you- it's a form of control and manipulation that can have a serious impact on your life. Gaslighting is different than lying in that it's not just about deceiving someone, it's about making them doubt their own reality or memory.

Learn the Warning Signs of a Narcissist

Narcissists can be difficult to deal with and they often try to manipulate the people around them. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself.

Some warning signs of narcissism are:

  • They have a sense of entitlement and expect special treatment.
  • They need constant attention and admiration.
  • They are very self-centered and always think they are right.
  • They can be manipulative and use tactics like guilt, shame, and gaslighting to control others.
  • They can be volatile and have a short temper.
  • They may also be physically abusive.

These are a few things to look out for when identifying. This is an important part of learning how a narcissist manipulates.

Tips for Dealing With a Narcissist

It can be a challenge to have to share space with a narcissist. If you have to deal with a narcissist, here are some tips:

  • Try to get them to see things from your perspective
  • Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Keep your distance.
  • Set boundaries and stick to them
  • Make sure you have a support system of friends or family you can rely on
  • Document everything and keep records of any abusive behavior

If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to get out of it if possible. If you can't leave, there are still things you can do to protect yourself.

Seek Professional Help If Necessary

If you're struggling to deal with a narcissist, it's important to seek professional help if necessary. A therapist can help you understand the situation and give you the tools to deal with it.

Disclaimer

The information in this article is for informational purposes only. This content should not be considered professional medical advice. If you need help please seek medical attention from a licensed medical professional, therapist, counselor, or psychologist. They can help you by offering professional advice and giving you the tools you need to navigate challenging mental health situations.

Conclusion

If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself. Try to get them to see things from your perspective and avoid arguing with them. Set boundaries and stick to them. Make sure you have a support system of friends or family you can rely on. If you're struggling to deal with a narcissist, it's important to seek professional help if necessary. A therapist can help you understand the situation and give you the tools to deal with it.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Narcissistic Personality

What should I do if a female narcissist is part of my social circle or family?

If you have a female narcissist in your social circles or family, it's crucial to protect your mental health. Recognize the common traits of narcissism, such as an inflated sense of self, self-centeredness, and lack of empathy. In many cases, women with narcissistic traits exert control through manipulation tactics. Seek professional help if you find it difficult to manage the situation. Therapists can provide strategies to deal with narcissistic behavior effectively.

How prevalent is narcissism in women?

What should I do if I think I'm dating a narcissist?

If you think you're dating a narcissist, the best thing you can do is to consult with a mental health professional. They can help you confirm whether or not your partner is a narcissist and provide you with guidance on how to deal with them.

How can I communicate effectively with a narcissistic woman?

Communicating with a narcissistic woman can be challenging due to their inflated sense of self-importance and tendency to feel superior. It's important to maintain your personal space and set clear boundaries. Avoid getting drawn into their manipulative tactics or abusive behavior, such as the silent treatment or belittling comments that make you feel inferior. Instead, focus on expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly and assertively.

How do I deal with a narcissistic sibling?

Dealing with a narcissistic sibling can be challenging. Setting healthy boundaries is essential to protect your self-esteem and mental health. Don't feed into their need for attention and avoid engaging in their manipulation tactics. It's also beneficial to seek professional help to navigate these complex family relationships.

How can I tell if I'm dating a narcissist?

If you're dating someone who is always seeking attention and approval, is extremely charming and successful or has a deep need for admiration, they may be a narcissist. However, the best way to know for sure is to consult with a mental health professional.